I don't know what has been wrong with you lately, but I think I want the old you back. I remember when you treated all of us equally, and you never went on and on about this "my favorite child..." crap. First of all, we're getting older, and honestly don't care who you like the best or anything. It's about time that you stop that because there are 6 of us, and we don't care who you like the best as long as you love us all just the same.

This is the second time this week that you've threatened me, or told me not to come back to your house (AKA kicked me out) and I'm not doing anything to you. I think that you seriously have problems. Of all of your kids to ge mad at, and kick out you choose me; the problem solving, chore doing, always cheerful, straight A student that has done absolutely nothing to you. I'm getting so tired of this. So tired that I lost all control of my emotions today and cried at lunch... in front of all the techies, all of the innoent people walking by, and all of my close friends.

And I know you'll see this and ask why the hell I was crying. Isn't it obvious!? It seems that no matter what I do, and how much I try to be the perfect daughter to you, the perfect sister to my siblings, the perfect friend to everyone at school... no matter what I do, I'm always walked on. No matter how much I want to be, I'll never be accepted or liked by everyone because there are always those people who will hate me for no apparent reason. But obviously, rather than feeling sorry for me, and trying your best to change the way you are, you're going to get mad and call me a baby and a faker for crying. Well, I will admit that I can be quite the "attention-whore", but that is for a totally different type of attention, and I just wanted people to know that no matter how perfect they think my life may be, everyone has their bad days.

Although I know that this letter will either mean absolutely nothing to you, or it will never reach you because I'll chicken out, and not give it you but I jsut hoe that you will soon find out that just abut everything you do or say will affect someone or something in some way. Like this morning when you started to randomly yell at me for always losing things and getting md at people because I can't find my things. I didn't even see wh you were yelling, and to make things so much worst, you brought Ashley into it and she had to add her 2 cents and tell me how he felt about me. I don't even know why I came home today... I can be so stupid.

Yah, so... this is all I had to say to you. I hope you don't just rip this to shreds like you've done with the relationship between yourself an your kids.

--Alicia

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reflection on my year...2003-06-20

hiatus again.2003-06-15